


On Kissing

by jane_x80



Category: NCIS
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5232233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McGee and Bishop debate the differences on kissing a man versus kissing a woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Kissing

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic posting ever. Have enjoyed this site tremendously and finally got invited. Will have to go back through some of my favorite stories to leave comments. In the meantime I hope you enjoy this fun little piece. I own nothing, of course.

It was a slow day and the MCRT was working on cold cases. At one point when Gibbs is called away to MTAC, Tony decides to go for a short walk to clear his mind. When Tony strolls back into the bullpen returning from his break, McGee and Bishop are standing by the plasma, arguing about whether it would feel different for a person to kiss a man vs a woman. His ears perking up, he leans against his desk and listens to the debate.

“Surely it would feel different,” McGee is insisting. “Girls feel like girls, and guys feel like guys.”

“Lips are lips,” Bishop argues. “If you were blindfolded, you wouldn’t be able to tell if the lips you’re kissing are male or female!”

“Why the hell not? There could be stubble and stuff.”

“Next thing you’re going to tell me is that a man’s tongue is different than a woman’s.”

“You never said there would be tongue involved.”

“A proper kiss involves tongue, McGee. Of course tongue is involved. Lips are lips, and tongues are tongues, regardless of gender. And if you say a woman’s lips are softer, not only would you be sexist, but you would also be wrong. I have kissed plenty of men with luscious soft lips! I say there isn’t a difference.”

“How would you know, have you researched this?”

“Who would research such an absurd topic? There is no evolutionary reason for tongues to be different between men and women.”

“We need empirical data.” To which Tony rolls his eyes. This is how nerds settle things, apparently, with research. “Bishop, have you ever kissed a woman?” McGee wants to know.

“Noooo,” Bishop replies, “although I wouldn’t necessarily object to doing it. Have you ever kissed a man, McGee?”

“Nope. Never experimented that way, sorry.” The two fall silent. Suddenly McGee perks up. “I know! We can call Abby and see if she would mind you kissing her and then you can tell me if that’s different from kissing a man.”

“Would kissing only one woman be enough data? Maybe I would need to kiss as many women as I have men in order to get a full dataset?”

Tony throws his arms up in despair. “Guys, ‘kiss’ and ‘dataset’ do not belong in the same sentence unless you’re part of the Kinsey Institute!” he tries to stop the madness. “I think you guys need to drop this subject and get back to work.”

“Tell McGee here that there shouldn’t be any difference kissing a man vs kissing a woman, Tony,” orders Bishop.

“Tell Bishop that of course there is a difference. Why wouldn’t there be?”

As the argument devolves into nerdy name calling, Tony sighs and facepalms. If Gibbs catches them arguing about this, he knows he will be the one headslapped to kingdom come even though he walked in halfway through this ridiculous conversation.

“Oh for crying out loud,” he yells surprising the two junior agents into silence. He marches over to McGee, takes him in his arms, presses his lips to his and proceeds to give the junior agent a long, thorough, and passionate kiss (definitely involving tongue and lots of it), at the end of which, McGee has plastered himself to Tony’s body, and he has to support the suddenly boneless McGee and push him into a nearby chair before his knees can buckle.

“There, now you’ve kissed a man, and I know for a fact that you’ve ever only kissed one real live woman so you have a ‘complete dataset’, McGee. You can tell Bishop here whether it’s the same or different when you’ve regained your senses,” he declares. “Get back to work,” he orders in a tone worthy of Gibbs, and Bishop scurries back behind her desk, her eyes wide with wonder at what had just occurred. McGee is catching his breath and trying to roll his chair back behind his own desk, still dazed.

Tony looks around and in fact the entire floor seems to be frozen, watching him. “All of you get the hell back to work!” he barks sharply, glaring at the entire floor. “I mean it!” And the people rush to obey him as if it had been an order straight from Gibbs. Tony goes back to his desk, pleased that he has (a) stopped the stupid argument between McGee and Bishop, and that (b) the entire floor now obeys him when he gives an order.

After a moment, Bishop can’t help herself. “McGee – was it different? Than kissing a woman?”

McGee looks dazed. “It felt different. But now I don’t know if it’s just cause Tony’s a great kisser or if it really is different when you kiss a man,” he finally tells her.

“Maybe Tony should kiss me too and we’ll see if that rules out the ‘Tony’s a great kisser’ theory,” Ellie suggests. “It did look like a pretty spectacular kiss. I could get in on the action. All in the name of research, of course. And that way when you tell Delilah that Tony kissed you, you can tell her that he also kissed me and it was for research purposes.”

“Oh my god, I have to tell Delilah that Tony kissed me,” McGee groans. “Tony you have to kiss Bishop now.”

Tony makes a strangled sound of pure frustration, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head in disgust. “Are we still talking about this? I thought I settled this argument by providing the needed empirical data.”

“Well now we have a new hypothesis and we have to test it. You have to kiss another teammate to see if it’s just that you’re that good a kisser. We need another opinion,” McGee urges him. 

“There will be no more kissing or talk of kissing,” Tony hisses at them. “I’m not a kissing booth. Get. Back. To. Work.”

“Tony, you gotta kiss Bishop too, or we won’t have enough data to prove or disprove the new hypothesis that you are a good kisser,” McGee insists, and Bishop nods in agreement.

“We need corroboration, Tony,” she tells him.

And out of nowhere, comes the dreaded headslap. Tony squeaks and turns to glare at Gibbs. “I’m trying to get them to stop, Boss. This time it isn’t my fault.”

Gibbs glares at Bishop and McGee who are instantly cowed. “You need data from a teammate to prove or disprove whether DiNozzo here is a good kisser, is that what I heard?” he asks in a soft and dangerous voice.

Tony groans in despair, burying his head in his hands and wishing he can crawl under his desk for the rest of the day. Of course the Boss heard the conversation. McGee and Bishop nod cautiously.

“And DiNozzo here kissed you, McGee because you think kissing a man will feel different than kissing a woman?” Gibbs continues, and again the junior agent and the probie nod cautiously. Tony is mortified not only for himself but for Bishop and McGee as well, and in order to resist repeatedly banging his head on his desk, begins babbling apologies until Gibbs silences him with a gentle headslap.

“I’m going to settle this now. First, the difference is not in the gender of the kisser. The difference is how you feel about them. If you love them, it will be fantastic regardless whether you’re kissing a man or a woman,” Gibbs tells them. Bishop and McGee glance at each other, shrug, and concede the point.

“Second, yes, Tony is an amazing kisser,” Gibbs gives his SFA a loving smile, pulling him up to a standing position and leaning in, captures the luscious full lips. Tony opens his mouth, and melts into the kiss, exploring his boss’s mouth with his tongue, running his hands through the older man’s hair. Gibbs moans into the younger man’s open mouth, pulling Tony hard against him, kneading his ass and grinding against him.

When they finally pull apart many minutes later, breathless and panting, the entire floor has frozen yet again, watching the MCRT. McGee and Bishop’s jaws have dropped practically to the floor. “That was so hot,” Bishop murmurs in wonder.

Tony smiles a beautiful smile, the smile of a man in love. “Hey, babe. How was MTAC?”

“Same old,” Gibbs replies. “Missed ya. Stop kissing McGee, even in the name of science. Even to shut him up,” he admonishes sternly.

“Yes, babe. Sorry, babe,” Tony accedes. Gibbs gives him a tender peck on the lips and they release each other with a loving smile.

“Now that you’ve got your corroboration from a teammate on Tony’s talents as a kisser,” Gibbs tells Bishop and McGee as he moves to his own desk, “the only teammate he’ll be kissing is me. Now. Get. Back. To. Work! Anybody got anything on these cold cases?”

“I might have a lead, Boss,” Tony jumps up and begins pulling information up on the plasma, behaving as if nothing has happened, reverting into the completely professional DiNozzo under the scrutiny of his boss. McGee and Bishop stare at him and Gibbs in silent wonder.

When Tony and Gibbs leave to pick up the new suspect, deciding that their teammates are far too distracted to be safely allowed into the field, McGee and Bishop waste no time running down to Forensics to excitedly tell Abby what has happened. This of course leads to hacking into the NCIS security cameras and watching the footage.

For science, of course, as they insisted. To prove that Gibbs’ conclusions were correct.

After watching Tony kiss McGee, Abby looks at him in wonder. “That looked like a crazy good kiss!”

“Oh, it was,” McGee agrees seriously. “But you need to watch the next kiss.”

After the first viewing, Abby mutters “Oh…my….god….” softly. They have to rewind and watch the very passionate kiss between Tony and Gibbs several times.

“Tony made Gibbs moan,” Bishop whispers with reverence. “It was super hot.”

“Plus he called Gibbs ‘babe’,” McGee adds. “And Gibbs said that the only teammate Tony would kiss now is him.”

“Oh my god!!!!” Abby shrieks. “They finally got together!!!!!”

“I don’t know about ‘finally’,” Bishop muses, “didn’t seem like a first kiss.”

“Surely they can’t have been together very long. No long-term couple would continue to kiss with such fire like that?” McGee argues. “Bishop, do you and Jake still suck face like Tony and Gibbs just did? And I mean like toe-curling, breath-stealing, tongue-dueling face sucking?”

And Bishop and McGee begin arguing about whether their two senior agents have been breaking Rule 12 long term or short term, and whether or not people in long-term relationships could still have fire in their bellies about their partners. McGee whines about the unfairness that Delilah was going to be upset because Tony kissed him and Bishop didn’t get kissed by anyone other than Jake until Abby kisses Bishop thoroughly and throws them both out of her lab.


End file.
